Welcome to my World.
The Woman behind the Words.
Who am I? Or, more specifically, who am I now? I’m currently working on the answer to that question; however, I can tell you who I am not:
* Kelly Evenson, PhD, a professor of epidemiology at UNC
* Kelly Evenson, English cricket player and coach
* Kelly Evenson, co-creator of the blog, HMS
How did I get here? I’ve lived a blessed life, for sure, but things really started to go wonky in 2001.
Below is a chronological overview of key events in my life. Some are significant; others may seem trivial on the surface but are included because they either factored into important decisions, steered my life in another direction, or caused me to pause and reassess.
Any date on the timeline, with a star next to it, indicates further details will be documented in a future post, which is where I will share my insights and lessons learned.
January 29, 1963
Kelly Jane Evenson born
Pictured above with older brother, Kevin.
The average Chicago area temperature on my birth day was 10.5 degrees Fahrenheit (normal was 24.8). But we lived in the far western suburbs, which did not have the benefit of the warming lake effect. Even though I cannot find any documentation to confirm it, I am pretty confident it was colder where I was born.
May 1963
Me with scarlet fever
This will come back to haunt me later in life.
November 21, 1972
Sister (Erin) born
When my mom informed Kevin and me that someone was going to have a baby, I excitedly blurted out “Gypsy!” (she was our dog). Puppies! But it turns out, I was going to have a little sister to mold in my own image. Erin, of course, had other plans.
How awesome it was to be 9 years old with a baby sister.
1978
First rock band
I was the only female; my bandmates were gearing up for graduation. I wasn’t even old enough to drive.
I was supposed to be a rock star when I grew up.
But, playing an electric guitar was one of two factors that led me to a career in computer science.
June 1981
High School Graduation
June 1983
College Graduation
June 27, 1987
Marriage
Our ceremony was held in a Japanese tea garden. The day was perfect.
On the drive to the main event, my mom turned to look at me in the back seat and said, “You don’t have to do this”.
All the same, my parents adored the man I was about to marry.
July 1995
Resignation #1
I was burned out and needed a break.
l worked at a local bakery. I wanted to own a bakery and knew the current owners were thinking about selling within a year or two. I’d never worked in a bakery before. Try before you buy, eh? I also started my own Mary Kay Cosmetics business.
After 9 months, the company I resigned from asked if I would be interested in returning on a contract basis. I jumped at the opportunity. I no longer wanted to own a bakery … much respect and admiration for those who do.
I also ended my Mary Kay business, but I will tell you that the experience was life-changing . Literally. It also ranks as one of the best things I did for my career. I know; it sounds weird but is absolutely true.
July 1996
Became IT consultant
I learned that being a contractor/consultant was far more fun than being an employee; so, I hired on with an IT consulting firm.
Just thought I’d attach this photo so that we can all laugh at my big, glued-in-place hair.
And yes, that is a protractor, given to me by my father.
August 7, 2002
Irreconcilable differences
“Sh*t happens”. That’s what my friend’s twice-divorced mother said to me.
June 2005
Mother has TIA/”mini stroke” at a conference in Denver.
I get 9 staples in my head (actually 10, because one went in crooked, and he had to re-staple).
Why do they call these “mini”? Not only did she lose her left peripheral vision (she did eventually regain a portion), but her short-term memory was also impaired permanently. Unfortunately, my mother did not realize she had a stroke; hence, she did not seek medical attention until she returned to Illinois a few days later. We do not know exactly when the episode happened.
At or around the same time, I passed out in my shower on June 16th. This was the first and only time I’ve lost consciousness to date. I believe these two events are connected.
September 13, 2006
Father commits suicide
July 2007
Sale of the Colorado property
In the early 1970’s, my parents purchased ~5 acres in the Colorado Rockies with the intention of building their dream retirement home. My father had not yet completed construction when he passed away. My mother could not imagine living there without my father and made the decision to sell the property.
I drove out to gather my father’s personal belongings.
Image source: KL Realty
October 2012
Resignation #3
In 2009, the company I worked for moved our division to downtown Chicago. I commuted by train into the city. On a good day, this was close to a 3-hour round trip. And there were more bad days than good.
My mother had been living on her own in the home she and my father purchased in 1959, the same home I grew up in. Due to lapses in memory, she was beginning to depend on me more often. There had already been a few “incidents”, and I was concerned about the length of time it would take for me to get back in case of an emergency.
I was quite fond of this company and had been with them for almost 11 years (both as a consultant and an employee), but I resigned and started a new job at a company that was closer to my mother’s home.
May 2016
Aortic valve stenosis (AVS) diagnosis
Remember that scarlet fever?
And the heart murmur?
It was my GYN who advised me to see a cardiologist. She was aware of my heart murmur, but the sounds she heard through her stethoscope at this year’s routine exam caused great concern.
The subsequent echocardiogram revealed that I had aortic valve stenosis (AVS), a narrowing or obstruction of the aortic heart valve. As I was in excellent health otherwise, the cardiologist traced the AVS back to my bout with scarlet fever. We scheduled another echo for 2017, but he advised that I contact him if I exhibited any symptoms.
July 2016
Mother’s dementia progresses
Resignation #4
My mom’s “friends” slowly stopped calling, dropping by the house, and inviting her out to lunch. This once vibrant, active, upbeat woman/artist was becoming a hermit, spending most days using the remote to flip between national news channels. The house needed cleaning and repairs; her beautiful English garden was overgrown with weeds, and trees required major pruning.
I was working on an important project at work, and I realized I could not give both the project and my mother the attention they required. I submitted my resignation. The company was incredibly accommodating and offered several alternative working options, but I knew that I would not be able to split my time and dedication effectively.
The original plan was to take four to six months to fully assess the situation and take care of the necessities. It ended up being a year.
November 2017
Mother has “incident”
Was it a stroke? Was it a UTI with stroke-like symptoms? Both?
It was a confusing several days as my mom was stuck in limbo at one hospital and then transferred to another.
All I know is that it had become apparent that my mother could no longer safely live by herself. To date, moving my mom to an assisted living community was the most difficult and heartbreaking thing I have ever done. After two months, she was transferred to their “memory care” wing .
I began the process of sorting, donating, selling, storing, cleaning, and repairing things in the family home, preparing to put it up for sale. 59 years worth of memories … and stuff … lots and lots of stuff.
March 2018
Moved mother to different community
The “memory care” wing ended up being a dreadful environment for those living with dementia, and I moved my mother to another community.
I understood that moving someone with dementia to a different location could have negative health effects. However, I now knew more about “memory care” communities and was confident my mother would receive much better care in the new environment, which was designed specifically for those with memory loss.
July 2018
Sold family home
I still don’t know how I worked full time, frequently visited my mom, prepped, and sold this home . I truly believe I had become completely robotic by this point in time.
November 2018
Trouble staying awake
I started feeling quite groggy around 3pm every day. I experimented with my diet and exercise for about a week, but the changes had little to no effect.
I met with my cardiologist, and we agreed that it was time to replace my aortic heart valve. The surgery would be in the January-February timeframe.
February 12, 2019
Sister passes away suddenly and unexpectedly
February 14, 2019
Mother begins combative stage
The memory care community was not equipped to handle my mother lashing out; she had physically hurt several staff. She was sent to a nearby hospital to see if specialists could identify the trigger(s) and/or recommend a non-drug intervention.
February 19, 2019
Open heart surgery to replace aortic valve
Multiple complications kept me in the ICU for 8 days. Discharged on March 1.
February 21, 2019
Mother transferred from memory care community to skilled nursing facility
Specialists concluded that my mother required around-the-clock care and could not return to the memory care community. She was transferred to a skilled nursing facility.
Since I was temporarily incapacitated and unable to fulfill my duties as my mother’s healthcare power of attorney, my mother’s sister was responsible for making decisions, as she was the secondary POA.
March 8, 2019
Experience stroke-like symptoms
As I grabbed a towel after a shower, I lost all strength and dropped the towel. My immediate thought was, stroke. I called 911 and woke up my aunt, who had flown in from California to stay with me at home for a week after my surgery.
My strength came back quickly; however, I knew I needed to get to the ER. The paramedics would only take me to the local hospital; so, my aunt drove me to the hospital where I had my surgery. I underwent a multitude of tests which (thankfully) did not reveal further damage.
I was discharged (again) on March 11.
April 4, 2019
Brother commits suicide
June 13, 2019
Word to the wise: Beware the kitten heels
I was simply walking to the elevator after picking up lunch … sandwich in hand … thinking about an upcoming meeting … when all of a sudden, one foot gets tangled up in the other, and down I go.
I had quite the audience. It was lunchtime. I fell right outside the crowded café. People were milling about in the lobby. Lying on the floor, I noticed I hadn’t dropped my sandwich (this will be a blessing later). “Are you OK?” “Do you need help getting up?” The security guard rushed over. I could not move my left leg. It was only when the paramedics lifted me onto the stretcher that I realized I had never been in this much pain in my life. And I have an extremely high pain tolerance. The morphine injection I received in the ambulance had absolutely no effect.
I managed to break my left femur. Who just falls and breaks their femur? This was not a car accident or a skiing accident or a skydiving accident. One minute, I’m walking, and the next, I’m sprawled out on the floor.
There’s a whole other side story about requesting to be transferred to a different hospital because I literally thought I was going to be a dead woman at the hospital I was initially dropped off at. I’m not joking.
I ate my stale sandwich late that evening (it was delicious) and underwent open reduction and internal fixation (ORIF) surgery the next day.
Just stay away from kitten heels.
March 2020
The Pandemic.
Fort Worth visit.
March 3 was the last time I was able to visit my mother; we had a normal conversation. Little did I know, this would also be the last time my mother would speak any comprehensible words.
The World Health Organization declared the outbreak as a pandemic on March 11. On March 9, the Illinois governor called on long-term care facilities to put visitor restrictions in place with no clear answer as to when visits would resume.
My mother tested positive for the virus in April but was asymptomatic. Per CDC guidelines, she was put into isolation. The worst possible environment for someone with dementia.
I wanted her out of that skilled nursing facility (even before the pandemic) and had been researching communities both in Illinois and in Texas. I scheduled appointments to visit several in Fort Worth. James L West Center for Dementia Care was everything I dreamt about for my mother’s care. They checked every one of my boxes and then some.
Guess we’re moving to Texas.
July 21, 2020
Move to Texas
I sorted, donated, sold, and packed – not only my stuff – but also my mother’s things that were currently held in storage units (yes, plural).
I sold my beloved bungalow in the most wonderful neighborhood I’ve ever lived in.
An amazing friend, a former nurse, helped transport my mother to her new home in Fort Worth. This hilarious escapade is worthy of its own blog post.
2020
Chronic pain begins
At some point during 2020, I start feeling pain from my right buttock all the way down to my toes. 24/7. Every single day.
March 24, 2021
Pass the Texas real estate exam
Since I was in-between jobs, I thought I’d get my real estate license. Becoming an agent was something I’d been interested in for years but never seriously pursued.
However, sometimes my timing is just “off”.
With the extreme housing shortage, 2021 was probably the absolute worst time to be a new Realtor. And … being new to Texas and not knowing anyone in Texas didn’t help any. I gave myself one year. I worked under three different brokers.
Ultimately, this was not for me. But, I am certainly glad I tried it.
December 26, 2023
